Skating with Celebrities

I know you're thinking...how have you not mentioned this before, but really I was hoping that if I did the old "head in sand" it might just go away! Alas, this ridiculous spin-off of Dancing with the Stars has gained momentum with the Swanson Scandal. I mean seriously, who'd a thunk there was a single straight male ice skater in the universe, let alone one with enough libido to commit adultery. Here we learn that all men, no matter how "artistic," follow their thingys around. Whatever, that mess is for God and their therapists to decide.

Now, back to this horrific program. Who in God's name thought it would be a good idea to have folks who can't skate doing jumps on the ice? I know these folks haven't worked in a while, but is that any reason to fall on your ass in front of America? Did your sinking careers and canceled television shows not embarrass you enough? And who are your agents and why aren't they fired?!

Seriously, you're talking about people whose entire faces have been "touched up," getting splattered head first onto a frozen pond when they can't haul they fat asses in the air. It sounds like a huge waste of money to have that nose re-done for the third time.

And to have this program run in the same season as the Winter Olympics, you know, that big event where actual athletes compete to win honors for their country. I know it interrupts your regularly scheduled programming and all, but at least when these folks fall down, we don't laugh outloud!

It is absolutely pitiful how desperate former celebrities are for attention. Can't you just take your re-run residuals and live quietly in suburbia, instead of trying to win back the spotlight by eating bugs, learning the mambo, or going to fat camp on TV? This skating crap is the last straw. If it gets to Celeb Roller Derby, I'm throwing my TV out the window!