Y'all miss me? Sorry I've been M.I.A, but I had to spend some quality time lounging on a boat on the beautiful waters of the North Carolina coast, and then I had to eat cake and open gifts and sit in the peaceful stillness of my parent's backyard drinking coffee and listening to the birds sing every morning.

And now back to reality, where I just spent half an hour fighting for 6 inches of personal space on an overcrowded subway. I will never understand these folks that insist upon forcing themselves onto a subway car they can plainly see is loaded to capacity. If y'all are so damn desperate to get to work, then you should leave earlier. Personally, I have never been so compelled to be anywhere on time that I would hurl myself into a mass of smelly strangers, and while the occasional sample sale might persuade me, the chance to sit at my paper-loaded desk certainly does not!

Apparently I am alone in this idea because every damn where you go, folks are pushing to get somewhere they were gonna get in the first place. Airports are the worst by far. I spend a lot of time in the them lately and inevitably I'm stuck standing beside the person who's so damn anxious to get on the plane, they knock over small children in the rush. Look, if you're Zone 2 and don't get to board until Zone 3, I promise they're still gonna let you on. Your seat's reserved folks, no one's gonna take it from you so just calm down!

It's almost enough to make you wanna drive everywhere, but then you'll just have the psycho road-ragers buttin' up on you on the highway. You know those people who can't be bothered to merge with everyone else and speed up to the front of the line, forcing someone who waited their turn to let them in at the last possible moment? Assholes. Assholes who should have their licenses revoked! Of course then they'd just have to take public transportation and would end up shoving past me in their mad dash to make the train.

Welcome Back to Manhattan...now get outta my way!
I guess we see the answer is to stay my happy ass at home and have everything delivered.